Thursday, January 05, 2012

A Missed Deadline and…Life Goes On

I did not realize a video game could trigger motion sickness.

It’s sort of embarrassing to be honest. I was playing Lego Star Wars for the Wii with my oldest son. This week we started episode one of the complete saga game. Last night we were on the pod racing level. I had played this level on an older platform but this version was different. There was a lot more going on. At times there was so much that I had a tough time seeing everything. As we were nearing the end, finally beating the other competitors to the finished line, I began to sweat and feel dizzy.

I must be getting old. I have had motion sickness before, suffering first as a child during a long flight. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would show symptoms while playing a video game. The end result: I was incapacitated for the rest of the evening. Everything I had planned for the evening went out the window. I could not enjoy watching football. I did not do any reading. Plus getting sick caused me to miss a self-imposed deadline.

I had a blog post which was finally starting to come together. This was supposed to be the night when I added the final touches, cleaning up sentences and setting a tone that would be interesting to read. Pod racing left me feeling like any attempt to do work would only lead to a mess on my keyboard. The blog post was left unfinished as I wrestled to get myself right.

In the past missing a deadline, even a self-imposed deadline, would have been the end of the world. I know that sounds a bit over dramatic but for many co-dependents missing a deadline is one of the worst things ever. At least that is what I thought back when I was a teen.

Back then small mistakes would often trigger huge tantrums. Little things were seen as signs of disrespect leading to long alcohol induced tirades about how I was mistreating the family. This was my normal and I assumed it was true for everyone. Even as an adult I thought I needed to be perfect lest I cause others to become angry and perhaps even hate me.

So there I was lying on the floor waiting for the room to stop tilting. Writing was out of the question. I watched as my deadline came and passed. But this time I was not worried, being set free from the old fears of my codependent past. As I expected the world did not end. I missed the deadline and yet, life still goes on. I eventually got up off the floor. As for the post, I will have it ready for a new deadline next week.

No I am not advocating a life of irresponsibility. I know I will not make it as a writer if I develop a habit of missing deadlines. But to my fellow codependents, know that we no longer have to walk on egg shells. Drunken outbursts are not normal. In the real world codependents are not the only ones who fail and when others fail they get back up. We codependents can do the same.

No comments: