Co-Dependency and the Deception of the Heart

Proverbs 3:5-6
Last week I found myself struggling with a painful reminder of one of the symptoms of co-dependency. An incident triggered memories of how far my own childhood was from ideal and I began to analyze events through the very narrow focus that comes as a result of viewing life through a bottle. Like a horse with blinders I could only see a small portion of the larger picture. Once the blinders fell I saw something that nearly dropped me to my knees. For the first time I was able to understand how my very own heart routinely deceives me.

The heart of a child is shaped in part by the actions of parents. In innocence and with a desire to learn a child embraces the words and attitudes of the parent(s), receiving them as absolute truth. Parents have the power to introduce thoughts and feelings which build up or injure the heart, leaving an impression that will last a lifetime. This is problematic for the co-dependent who, as the child of an alcoholic, is introduced early on to the lies needed to sustain a culture of addiction. The co-dependent embraces a point of view which is skewed by the drunken words of one who is themselves quite blind. This becomes the truth, the code by which the co-dependent will respond to everyone who has the misfortune of crossing their path.

My response to last week’s incident was based in my own blindness. I was unable to see any other direction apart from that which I thought was the path in front of me. My blinders kept me from seeing the truth and I reverted back to my teen years where I found only pain. With no other frame of reference I assumed the people involved were acting out of the same self-centered attitudes to which I had grown accustomed. This left me burdened and confused as I wondered why God would let history repeat. Like that child from long ago I turned to a familiar friend: self-pity. At that alter I would have remained if not for the voice of reason: a direct command from the mouth of the one true God.

God removed the blinders and revealed the lies of my own heart. At first I was angry at myself for giving in where I knew my heart was wrong. But then I rejoiced at the fact that God was willing to stand next to me and rescue me from the clutches of my own self-imposed prison. The Lord reminded me of who I am and where I am today. I am no longer in a co-dependent situation. It is time to stop letting the past control and take responsibility for today with the understanding that my heart has been shaped by a can of beer.

Suddenly Proverbs 3:5-6 makes a lot of sense. Though it is hard to admit that God is much wiser than I and that my understanding is flawed, I know the better way is to follow one who is perfect and who has my best interest at heart. Yes my heart deceives me but I do not have to live by that deception. There is a better way but I will not find that way from within. The path is illuminated by the word of God and he freely gives the wisdom and strength needed to overcome the bondage of co-dependency. It is time to put away my excuses and live today.

I suspect those who have not lived the life will have a tough time understanding why the co-dependent responds irrationally. The co-dependent has lived under constant threat, having no idea of what it means to live in the real world. The life of co-dependency is built upon lies, with a fear that there is no other path. Thank God for cutting the lies away and replacing them with truth. Deep down the co-dependent knows the deception of the heart. Have you ever stopped to examine the words of your own heart?

See also: “Co-dependency and Negative Self Talk”
“Hurt by God”