When God Arranges the Marriage: Part I

David, a guest at Fire & Hammer, made a very good point when he asked, “Does not any one consider Genesis?” (Comment posted on “Turbulent Day in Tinseltown” however I believe it was intended for “Should a Husband Focus on his Wife’s Heart or His Own?”) We can learn much about human nature by studying Genesis where we find the intent of the One who created mankind. God created man in his own image. There are many implications of being made in God’s image, one of which is the fact that we were designed for marriage based on the principles of God our creator: principles established by God in order to reveal the relationship for which he is preparing his church.

Because we are created in the image of God we are created for relationships. The first and most important relationship is that between God and man, a point emphasized again and again in the Bible and the reason for the Gospel. “For God so loved the world…” (John 3:16) The only explanation given for why the Father would send his Son to die is love and love inherently speaks of relationship. The cross is a demonstration of the importance of the relationship between God and man, a revelation of God’s love for us. The Bible gives the terms for sharing in a relationship with God and explains how he is preparing us for this relationship to last for eternity.

The Bible gives a name to the group of people who share in this eternal relationship: The Church. The church is described in terms of a bride who is being prepared for the day when its members will be presented in God’s kingdom, the relationship publicly declared and celebrated. The Bible speaks of only one bride (one church) made up of many parts (members) all unified on the basis of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There are no other brides and no other ways to build this type of relationship with God. His Church, God’s chosen, is the only one prepared to stand on that day.

God has created many other beings but only His church is chosen for a special relationship. There are angels, seraphim, plants, and animals: many created beings described as living in heaven and on earth. But God ordained his church to receive a special outpouring of His love. This is right in the eyes of God. Thus it follows that an eternal relationship with God is right for man and for woman: the only beings created in the image of God. Having a right relationship with God is the most important goal in life. By design this relationship is the very essence of who we are as created beings.

We see in Genesis the foundation of human life in the fact that God breathed the breath of life into Adam and Adam became a living soul. Without God the soul is dead, the punishment described as the result of sin. The Bible says Jesus is the life: not a life or a way of life but the life. Because of the fall all mankind is separated from God and sentenced to death. In Christ we are redeemed, God making a way for us to return to a right relationship with the giver of life. By faith we receive God’s gift of life and join his church, the collection of those who live in a relationship with God.

While the relationship between God and man is the number one priority, it is not the only relationship described in the Bible. After establishing Adam on earth along with the animals and trees, God said there was something missing. Adam had a void which needed to be filled. God would fill this void by establishing a relationship which was designed as an earthly representation of the relationship that will be enjoyed between God and His church. Just as God works to prepare his church for an eternal relationship with the creator, he worked to prepare Adam and Eve for a relationship ordained and arranged by the hand of God. Recorded in the Book of Genesis, the first ever marriage.

Do You Watch the Local News?

I have decided to stop watching the local news. By the time the evening news comes on I already know what the anchors are going to say. We have an early evening (4:00pm) news cast in Philly. I am not interested having already read (sometimes even watched) the news on the internet often by smart phone. The 10:00pm and 11:00pm newscasts add nothing new and seem focused on human interest (more accurately human gossip) stories. With so many opportunities to keep up with what is happening the local newscast has become a burden on my time.

I heard about last week’s major national stories from sources other than the local networks. The internet furnished information on the death of Farrah Fawcett. A neighbor told me about Michael Jackson’s death. Twitter was first to notify me of what happened to Billy Mays. The internet has become my source for information out of Washington and from around the world. On the local level I follow sports, state budget talks, and local politics all without sitting in front of the t.v. I was even able to receive an update about two former news anchors without waiting until evening. Today the news is delivered in real time with little more than a push of a button.

With so much information literally at my finger tips I have no need for local news telecasts. How many others are finding the same? How many of you still watch the local news? Will the local newscast follow the local newspaper on the path to the endangered species list? If so is this a good thing?

Monday Morning Blues No More

For most of my life I have experienced a deep sense of dread when the alarm went off every Monday morning. Often these feelings began to build late Sunday night, causing me to resist falling asleep believing that somehow staying awake would delay the morning sun. The weekend was an opportunity to escape real life. It was an opportunity to live where I thought I was in control but Monday interrupted my control with the problems of work and family concerns and earlier in life the problems of school. As I faced the obstacles of life I felt as if my identity was on the line. Having to compete to prove my worth was the root causing me to suffer from the Monday blues.

It was difficult to face each Monday as I knew the things I dread would definitely come during the week but the biggest disappointment was the shock that becoming a Christian did not drive away my blues. Early in my Christian walk I struggled because I could not understand why God would allow one of his own to suffer from the Monday blues. I tried each and every Monday to overcome the debilitating feeling of being stuck in a rut, carrying burdens that were literally crushing me. I tried each day to be more Christian but every Monday was the same. I had bought into a form of Christianity that acknowledged God but ignored his power, leaving me to face my personal demons on my own.

Not until I embraced the power of truth and believed the promises of God’s word could I surrender to his work in my life. The Monday blues would never be conquered as long as I tried to live the perfect Christian life by my own power. Christ finished his work on the cross leaving me with nothing to prove. Because he is finished I am free and there is no need for me to work at being more Christian. The truth of the power of God and of his will was the revelation that changed my heart; conversion setting me free of trying to prove my salvation with works. Now Monday is another day for enjoying my position in Christ. I no longer have to suffer with the Monday blues.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13) Life’s problems have not gone away but my approach to them has changed. My identity is no longer determined by my ability to walk the perfect path. I no longer measure myself by my success record. Problems are now just an everyday part of life, not the end of the world I once thought each would be. I tackle each knowing my identity is wrapped in Christ who gives me the power to overcome. The blues have been replaced with morning worship. Monday now sets the tone for the week, positioning me to do great things in Christ Jesus.

I sing the Monday Morning Blues no more. Jesus has set me free and now every day is bright with God’s light.

Turbulent Day in Tinseltown

The media and perhaps the world were focused on yesterday’s deaths of two entertainment icons. After a battle with cancer actress Farrah Fawcett died in a health center in Santa Monica, California. Later in the day came the shocking news that singer Michael Jackson had died of a heart attack. The news in both cases brings back memories of my youth during which both people were popular.

I remember watching Farrah Fawcett on television. Hers was the first non-cartoon character poster taped to my wall. Jackson’s music was a big part of my collection, even during a time when he snubbed his nose at our home town. (My grandparents owned a house not far from the Jackson’s home in Indiana.)

My prayers go out for both families during this time.

Should a Husband Focus on His Wife’s Heart or His Own?

A marriage is the union of a man and a woman; two coming together to become one flesh. Two individuals, each with their own experiences and attitudes are drawn together to experience a special blessing as designed by God. From two different families the husband and wife start a new unit, blending the best and the worst of two different worlds. What happens, as often is the case, when this blending does not run smoothly? As husbands it is natural for men to wish things would change but where should we look for this change? Should we focus on seeing a change in the heart of the wife or should we look within our own heart for change that will result in a stronger family? Did the answer to these questions change when Adam sinned against God or do they remain the same as we strive to follow Jesus our Lord?

When confronted by God, Adam quickly blamed his wife and God for his sins. Perhaps by pinning his failure on someone else Adam hoped to free himself from feelings of guilt and emptiness which came as a result of being separated from God. His sin changed his entire life creating a sense of insecurity in his relationship with his wife, leading him to suddenly feel as if he needed to hide something from the one who was of his flesh and of his bone. As a result of the fall marriages today suffer as husband and wife are deprived of the natural unity enjoyed by Adam and Eve before they sinned. Those who choose to get married are left to deal with a union between two imperfect people.

I believe that when God presented Eve to Adam he created the perfect relationship between a man and a woman. The two were created by God to be right for each other. While sin may have damaged the relationship, the process is still perfect. God, the creator of all, still directs the lives of individuals working to bring together a man and a woman who are right for each other though not individually perfect. Every man who seeks to follow Jesus Christ must trust God to lead us to the right woman, trusting his judgment even when the relationship gets snagged on the rocks. God created the concept of marriage and he is the best judge over who should be joined in this union.

Inevitably there will be times when things do not go as planned in a marriage. I suspect every man looks at his wife and at times wishes she would change. But if your wife was selected by God to be the best for you, should you really look for her to change? Don’t get me wrong, a Christian husband should pray daily for the work God is doing in his wife’s life, but we must also remember that we were selected by God to be the best for that woman. As we pray for our marriages and for our spouses we husbands must remember to ask God to work on our hearts so we may present daily the men our wives are entitled to according to the will of the Creator.

Each and every day husbands have the opportunity to build up their wives or to tear them down. The Christian man must regularly look at his own heart to see if he is walking as the husband God calls for him to be. We have no control over another person’s heart. We can bring our own heart before God, a living sacrifice before his alter, making sure we are a light in our own household. If you want what’s best for your marriage you must give what is best to your wife. That means letting God work in you to bless your family.

The husband who is a true follower of Christ is called to minister to his wife. Are you answering that call in your marriage? Stop and ask God to help you honestly look at your own heart. Then let him make changes according to his will.

Christians and Blowing Your Own Horn

Are there times when a Christian should ‘toot their own horn?’

Today was employee review day. At the scheduled time I reported to the office of one of my superiors to discuss her rating of my performance over the past year. I received an outstanding overall score, thank God, but as I read over the written review I noticed something was missing.

My current position is a combination of two or three other positions, each with its own supervisor. Having to answer to different bosses took some getting use to but I think I have learned the ropes. Each position is unique with different demands and my superiors do not always know what I am doing when I wear my different hats. As a result the supervisor in charge of conducting my review really only knows about the area she supervises.

In the area designated for employee comments I wrote out a list of my many different responsibilities. I think under the circumstances this was necessary in order to paint a complete picture for my review. As my list grew I began to wonder if there is a point where a Christian should begin to brag.

Are there times when a Christian should stand up and make sure they are noticed? For me this is a difficult question to answer. After all we are taught to only boast in the fact that we know Christ. Our churches teach us to stay away from self-centered pursuits, including self-promotion. We are to avoid even the appearance of being prideful, working to protect our hearts from the temptation to make the situation revolve around us. So does this mean I should accept the review as is without trying to paint a complete picture of my activities?

As with so much of the Christian walk, I believe the answer lies in an examination of the heart. What we say and do, and in this case what we write, is an indication of what is on the inside. God, and for that matter the world, knows the difference between self-centered bragging and a justified speaking out at the right time. God looks at the heart and there he sees either his righteousness or something that falls short. The motivation of our heart is what guides us to either vain self-promotion or to sharing the truth for the right reasons.

The true follower of Christ should delight in the presence of God. As he/she does so, the Lord will direct their path. This will include letting us know when to speak up and when to keep our mouths shut. God will also create in us a pure heart that our motive when we speak is right and just. Pride comes before a fall and boasting is unacceptable. To know the difference between prideful self-promotion and justifiable speaking up, we must grow in our fellowship with God, allowing him to bridle our tongues.

Co-Dependency and Dealing with Mistakes

It hit me right between the eyes. While reading my work email I was confronted by my mistake. It was a minor mistake to be sure and easily fixed but the words of that email were a reminder that I am not perfect. For most people such a revelation might not be that big of a deal. But the echoes of co-dependency rang out in my mind threatening to rekindle the battle within.

My view of self was distorted by years of co-dependency. As I looked at myself through the words of a suffering loved one I saw a person who was never good enough. My goal was perfection; the only thing I thought acceptable to the one I was trying to reach. Mistakes were devastating. It was never okay to be wrong: If my best was not perfect, then it was not good enough. As a child I would do anything to stop the drinking and the yelling, even if that meant aspiring to the impossible.

So when that email opened, spelling out my mistake, I was once again gripped with fear and anger. In my heart I knew something bad would happen. Would it be yelling again or something even worse? The irrational response to the scars of co-dependency took hold and I wanted to run back home to hide under my bed. But this time something was different. This time I would not run.

My heart has been changed. I have been healed from the wounds of co-dependency. Yes, there are still some scars to be dealt with. But when Christ pronounced that, “It is finished,” I was healed. Because I am healed I need not run. I did the right thing, owning up to my mistake and fixing the problem. No one yelled. Nothing bad happened. I am still the same person I was when I woke this morning.

Today I declare victory over the pain of co-dependency. Today I lived life instead of letting life live me.